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Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love, by Pia Mellody Andrea Wells Miller
Get Free Ebook Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love, by Pia Mellody Andrea Wells Miller
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From Library Journal
Mellody has written a lucid and informa tive book on a subject little understood: love addiction. Speaking both from per sonal experience and a clinical standpoint, she very carefully defines her terms, in cluding "love addict," "avoidance addict," and, of course, codependence. The last term she carefully distinguishes from love addiction. She also includes information on the recovery process, the marks of a healthy relationship, and the process of en tering into a healthy relationship. The book concludes with a set of journal exer cises designed to help someone in recov ery. Worthwhile reading that is recom mended for libraries serving both the professional and general reader.-Barbara L. Flynn, Chicago P.L.Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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About the Author
Pia Mellody is an internationally renowned lecturer on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunc-tion. Her recovery work-shops have benefited people all over the world and her bestselling books have been translated into many languages. She is a member of the faculty at The Meadows Treatment Center, a residential center for victims of trauma, emotional abuse, and addictions, in Wickenburg, Arizona.
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Product details
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: HarperOne; 1 edition (April 29, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062506048
ISBN-13: 978-0062506047
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
226 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#5,727 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Most books about codependency focus on the classic relationship dichotomy of co-dependent and alcoholic/addict/narcissist. This is the only book I have found that deeply explores the relationship that is created when two co-dependents come together.For years I have been involved in a relationship that I knew was co-dependent, but none of the books I found on codependency really captured my situation. When I started reading this book my heart started pounding-- It was as if the author knew me, my partner and my relationship inside and out. I am only through part one of this book, but it has already transformed my understanding of my current romantic issues.To summarize, there are co-dependents who are love-addicted and co-dependents who are love-avoidant:Love addicts are driven by a primary fear of abandonment spawned from childhood neglect/abandonment. They are characterized by low-self esteem and neediness, and are looking for someone to rescue them and fill the hole in their hearts.Love avoidants are driven primarily by guilt and a fear of intimacy. During childhood they took an inappropriate "care-taking" role for a parent, which taught them that loving is to care for another, but also that to love is to be drained and controlled by another persons need. They are often characterized by being very capable and very busy, but also controlling (to avoid being controlled) and fickle.When the two come together they are initially very happy. But, with time, the neediness of the love-addict activates the love-avoidant's fear of intimacy and being controlled. The avoidant then begins to pull away, activating the abandonment fears of the love addict, and driving them to be even more desperate and needy. And thus the downward spiral begins...The love avoidant feels suffocated and wants to pull away, but often cannot leave because of the crippling guilt they feel at the thought of abandoning the already damaged love-addict. Meanwhile, the love addict will supplicate themselves and engage in dangerously manipulative behavior in order to save the relationship and avoid the feeling of abandonment. The result is an incredibly unhealthy relationship in which neither party has their emotional needs met (in part because neither party can acknowledge their own emotional needs).This book spoke to me in a way that no other book on the topic of codependency has. It is not only incredibly enlightening, but also well-written and an engaging read. What's more, I really appreciate the tone of the book. Where as most books written about codependency tend to be overly sympathetic and almost coddling to the co-dependent reader (for example, the Melody Beattie series), the author's approach to this kind of codependency is very detached, analytical and clinical. I personally found this a much more approachable and helpful style for my personality type.All in all, I am incredibly glad I bought this book (on a whim!) and I am really looking forward to finishing this book and working on my issues as a love-avoidant.
Bought this for a friend that would alternate between texting me in the middle of the night about how sad and lonely he was, or texting about how he was trying to get rid of his latest conquest. He's since read this and now only sends pictures of food.
This book has changed my world more than any other book I've ever read except maybe the Bible. Be warned that it could be highly triggering. I've found myself literally throwing the book and saying outloud "StupidBook!!!" then picking it back up when ready. I had a hard time getting past the first chapter or so bc I don't think of my childhood as awful. But once I got into the book more it literally made me physically and emotionally upset. Truth hurts"
This book really opened my eyes to my patterns and the patterns I have been trapped in since my childhood. I changed because of this book. I ended a love addiction relationship because of this book.
My therapist suggested I read this book a year before I finally got it, but I was already tackling a big stack of recovery reading. Wow. Wish I would have taken her advice and read it sooner. So many questions I was wrestling with in my marriage would have been so clear so much sooner! My teen daughter's counselor is having her read it now...I know Pia's insight will be a valuable tool for my daughter and only wish I would have had this knowledge at a younger age. My exhusband and I both have love addiction and love avoidant issues, which caused much chaos for many years.
I had this book for a year sitting there. I was in total denial. Started in codependency recovery but knew there was more. At that point to finally opened this book and wish I did it months before. The description of the push and pull dance I play with the love avoidant for years was excellently explained and finally my codependency recovery was heading in a better direction. The activities she gives were perfect and at times SO hard to do because it digs up those wounds we never allowed to air out and heal. It truly gave me the opportunity to lick my wounds and heal them to be in a healthy relationship with myself first of all. I'm very thankful for this book. It really was point on for those relationships, time and time again that is a roller coaster ride of so many High's and lows and hot and cold. I couldn't live like this anymore and glad the exercise helped me finally start healing pain I denied for so long.
Pia has a way of expressing and defining terms that make sense. Reading this book, I had several "aha" moments where concepts finally made sense. I've bought two of her other books and look forward to reading them after this one.
This book is one of the rare reads I've found that totally shook my worldview of myself, love and the way I see relationships. I am so grateful for Pia Mellody and her work, this book was the first book I found on my journey of recovery from codependency and I'm so glad I did! I wasn't even aware I was a love addict and codependent before I read it. If you struggle with push/pull relationships, feel clingy and that your partner/s always pull away I would highly recommend. It offers great explanations of the cycle of the love addict and the avoidance addict, as well as worksheets and how to begin recovery.
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